Welcome to the Great White North….
“I used to think that life was unfair. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be much worse, if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.”
-Marcus, Babylon 5, A Late Delivery From Avalon
A bit dark, but it sums up my feelings quite often.
So, yesterday, after some tears and some moping, Janie and Leif went virtual house shopping. Rental prices are brutal, but every now and then someone in worse straights than us (I find that situation hard to imagine, but apparently it happens) goes bankrupt and has their house foreclosed on them. Then the bank sells them for next to nothing.
The point being, Janie found two houses in the Big City advertised for less than two years worth of my pathetic wages. Janie keeps a reserve fund for emergencies, so I can pay 3-4 months rent in the event of lack of income. So, if Janie puts all her assets on the table, she is only short about $2000 of the asking price on one of the houses. In Euros that’s about 1550, and in pounds that’s about 1325. The other she’s short about $4500.
But then Janie would own her home. Paid cash. No mortgage. Just the thought of it makes me heady.
I haven’t even seen any photos of the places, but I know the neighborhoods, they are only a few blocks from where some of my Big City friends live and although thoroughly lower middle class and student housing, they are relatively decent areas. Of course, for those prices they are probably run-down, dilapidated old shacks, but if I buy one it would be my run-down, dilapidated old shack. If the foundation is good, though, even a dilapidated old shack can be a diamond in the rough. Besides, Leif knows a thing or two about electrical wiring, his dad is a retired HVAC guy and Leif has a plumber friend that owes him money. So, I figure I’ve got most of the home renovation angles covered. And, I am not adverse to doing some remodeling work myself; I can rip out carpet, demo walls, and paint and wallpaper like the best of them. I’ve re-shingled a house, I’ve refinished hardwood floors, and I’ve dug up 80 year old rosebushes that had roots solidly wrapped around China. Granted, that was when I was young and stupid, but many argue that I am still stupid.
Did I mention, I’m only $4500, or less, short of paying cash for my very own house?
A woman can deal with a lot of crap if she owns her own home free and clear.
Hence, panhandling for the remaining few grand is looking like a fabulous idea. I don’t even need the lottery if I find a good street corner and a ratty old piece of cardboard to write my “loosing my home, need money to move” sign.
Last year I did a joke every Tuesday for a whole year. Tilly Bud at the Laughing Housewife does a joke a day, sometimes multiple jokes. I don’t know how she does it. Tilly Bud, you are my humor hero. The pressure to come up with just one joke a week made me very glad when January first 2013 rolled around.
But, I do miss having a structure to my blogging, at least if only for one day a week. Look what happened earlier today when I had no idea what to write about.
So, perhaps this will make up for it, though I doubt it. It’s a groaner. But then, those are my favorites.
Why did the baker get a second job?
Because no matter how many hours he worked at the bakery he always kneaded dough.
I really felt like blogging this morning.
However, I’ve been sitting here for half an hour and I’ve typed two different posts, both which ramble on saying nothing, and when I’ve reached the end of my thoughts I’ve gone back and read what I’ve written and said, “Well, now that’s a load of crap. I don’t even want to read it, so I’m not going to torture my dear readers. I do really like having them after all.”
So, this is all we’re going to get.
Better luck later maybe.
Can you find the snail in this photo?
I really like snails. I don’t know why, precisely. They just seem really cool to me. They have a way of somehow moving slow and fast at the same time. They have neat colors, and I’m fascinated by their bodies which can suck up completely into their shell. When we began the fish tank after a freak goldfish win at the county fair a couple summers ago, I bought a snail at the pet store. I paid almost $3 for it, and after a few months it was dead. So, figuring we had bad luck I bought another. A few months later, the second snail was dead. At $3 a pop, no matter how cool I find them, I couldn’t find it worth the price, so we remained snail-less for some time.
Then, a few months ago, we decided to get a few new fish, as we’d finally lost enough that the tank was looking kinda lame. At a different pet shop, we noticed their fish tanks swarming with snails. I asked if there was some secret to keeping snails, to which the pet shop person said, “No, but if you know the secret to not keeping snails, let us know. They breed like crazy and periodically we have to just clean out and dispose of tons of them.”
She gave me 5 free snails. They were pretty small, smaller than a pea, but she said she was certain that in no time they’d breed and get bigger. I was doubtful, after my last two snail experiences, but years and years ago I’d had pet snails and they generally were hearty, and so we decided to give it a try.
There were two kinds, and I don’t know their scientific designation, so bear with my sad description. One appears like your stereotypical snail, round spiral shell. The other had a long spiraling cone shape shell (if you click on the above photo to enlarge it, then look right next to the head of the large plecostomus, you can see one of the cone shaped snails, it’s a pale greyish color). We put them in the tank, and then for a few weeks we played “Where’s Waldo” trying to spot the tiny snails. Then, one day, I noticed that I could spot no less than 6 of the traditional shaped snails. Our snails had babies! Within a few weeks of that, I began to see 4 or 5 of the cone spiral shaped snails, and we were off to a J curve population boom.
Now, what will we do when the snails take over the tank? Anyone want to have some snails?
And, this lead me to another question. What do you call a group of snails, a surfeit of snails? A slime? A slew? A sublime?
Well, according to www.ask.com a group of snails is called:
A group of Snails is called a walk, rout or escargartoire.
Or more specifically,
A group of snails is referred to as a Rout. A nursery of snails is known as Escargatoire.
And, www.ask.com also provided this other informational tidbit:
The Snail is a gastropod, a soft-bodied type of mollusk. The soft body is protected by a hard shell, which the snail retreats into when alarmed. They are found worldwide in the seas, in fresh water, and in moist areas on land. Snail like creatures that lack a shell are known as slugs.
Eeewww! Strangely enough while snails fascinate me, I loathe slugs. They remind me of nothing more than self-motile snot.
So, while we are talking snails, I thought in honor of Tuesday Titters, I will reblog one of my favorite jokes.:
A snail walked into a car dealership. Immediately a salesman came up to him and offered his assistance figuring a commission is a commission and if the snail had money that was all that mattered to him.
Salesman: Hello there, erm, Sir? Can I help you pick out a car?
Snail: Mr. Snail…. Oh…. Yes…. But… I… have some… special… requirements.
Salesman: Certainly, why don’t you tell me what you’re looking for.
Mr. Snail: Well *he said slowly* I want something small and sporty that goes very fast.
Salesman: Not a problem, Mr. Snail.
Mr. Snail: But it must have vinyl seats, not cloth, not leather. For obvious reasons.
The salesman and Mr. Snail looked down briefly at a puddle of goo on the show room floor.
Salesman: Um. Right. Also not a problem!
Mr. Snail: Good. Then I want a special paint job. I’m tired of people over-looking me because they think I’m just a slow, dumb snail. I want something sleek, sharp. Something eye-catching that will stand out. Something that sizzles. Money is no object, so I’ll want it done exactly to my specifications.
Salesman: We will see what we can do. What were you thinking?
Mr. Snail: I want a fire-engine red car. Fire engines are fast, and they get noticed. That’s what I want. And, the car must have a bold letter “S” painted on each side, the hood, and the boot so people from all directions will know it is Mr. Snail when they see me drive down the street in my new car.
Salesman: O-kay. I think we can accommodate that. Is there any thing else, a vanity plate perhaps?
Mr. Snail: Oh…. Yes…. I think….
Salesman: The letter “S” maybe?
Mr. Snail: Oh, yesssssss.
So the salesman shook hand to pseudopod, some papers were slimed and some money changed over.
In a few weeks Mr. Snail returned to pick up his new car, and was very pleased with his purchase. The salesman had even made sure the new vanity plate was attached for his special customer. As Mr. Snail peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing and accelerator pressed flat to the floor, in his compact but fast, custom-painted car the manager of the dealership looked out the window said to the salesman, “What’s the deal with the special paint job and the vanity plate?”
The salesman, already planning on how to spend his commission said absently, “I don’t know, but you can’t help but notice that little “S” car go!”
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Information on snails was obtained May 21, 2013 at 8:25 am from http://www.ask.com, URL: http://www.ask.com/question/what-do-you-call-a-group-of-snails
Joke is original material from Janie Jones at Janie’s Place.
Photos are original material taken by Janie Jones.
Going to town yesterday turned out to be a lot of fun after all. Despite the crappy weather, I love the Big City. Stickittoyou University is located there. It sits on a hill over looking the big lake. When I got laid off and decided to go back to school I began flirting with the idea of moving to the Big City. But, it is expensive, and I do really love the house I live in now. Plus, with Leif living with me, we have a very affordable situation. Which is good, because being a full time student is expensive and the pay sucks.
My landlady, though, has forced my hand. By next summer I have to move out as she wants to sell the house I am in, and I can’t afford to buy it, and even if I could there’s really very little chance of me ever finding a good job up here again. It’s po-dunk-ville in this neck of the Great White North. So, when I am done at Local College getting my math credits and a few undergraduate science credits, I will be moving much closer to the Big City if not actually in it.
I am really looking forward to getting back to Stickittoyou U. But even when the weather is crappy, I really like being in the Big City and I really, really hope I can live there and make a permanent home there. I would like nothing more than to live there the rest of my life. I dream of owning a cute little cottage, like the one I have now, or similar in scale, on the hill. Once I finish school, and hopefully have a good job, I can spend weekends walking on the lake, visiting my friends and having gelato in our favorite Italian restaurant, and perusing the bookstore and eating cheesecake in it’s coffee shop.
But, until I’m done at Stickittoyou U, I’ll be lucky to find a tiny efficiency studio for the price I pay to live in my current house. At least I’ll be closer to the University and all my favorite places. And yet, while I may be inching closer, it feels like the dream remains on indefinite hold while my living circumstances degrade. Even while I hope it will be temporary, it will be 3-5 years before I finish school. That’s a long time for being temporary. Unless I win that lottery.
Maybe I need to get me an Irish Better. Come on, Fido! Dog-Mom needs a new house, and a education!
Poor Rupert. Don’t feel bad. Dog-Mom still loves you, but you would like to have a nice yard to poop in next year, wouldn’t you?
