Yesterday was the first exam in Biochemistry. I expect to fail quite spectacularly.
The lecture hall, with it’s tiny little seats and lap desks that are smaller than your standard sheet of paper, is a particularly miserable place to take an exam, even if you expect to do well, which I doubt I’d do unless this was the only class I had to take this semester. Biochemistry is very challenging even if it is extremely interesting.
Plus, I have the mixed pleasure of sitting a seat away from Ashtray Boy. And when I say mixed pleasure I mean I’ve honestly thought about whether or not it’s worth choosing a different seat, or just pretend to have hideous allergies all semester and bury my face in a scented hanky throughout class. I could move, but I have an aisle seat, which are coveted, because then you are only having your personal space impinged on one side instead of two and because no one else wants to sit next to Ashtray Boy, I have an empty seat to my left between us. If I move, I must sacrifice the personal space to my right from being on the aisle and the empty space to my left which buffers me from Ashtray Boy’s self. Obviously, I’ve decided not to move and honestly most days the stink wafting from Ashtray Boy is ignore-able. Other days, I put on some scented hand lotion and lean my chin on my hand all through lecture.
The first day when he sat down and his cloud of funk enveloped me I was a little shocked. It is pretty rare these days to come across such a smelly smoker. Most people live in smoke-free dorms or apartments, so even if they do smoke it tends to be outdoors where I guess they air out better. Besides, he’s a science major. Didn’t he get the memo?
Where’d this cat critter come from anyway? He’s everywhere and he’s hysterical.
Because some days his cloud of funk is more expansive, I imagine you can tell how Ashtray Boy’s day is going so far by how strong his eau de nicotine is. Some times people ask me if the smell is “special.” Having never had any exposure to “special” cigarettes, I can’t say for sure it’s just nicotine, but it is occasionally very extra stinky and to look at this guy and make an outrageously un-P.C. stereotypical judgement, I wouldn’t be surprised. Or maybe a small part of me is jealous because he dropped the lab and I am still toughing it out.
Anyway, so the whole point is yesterday, for the first exam, Ashtray Boy must have been fairly anxious as he came reeking to high heaven. It was enough to make my own lungs and eyes burn.
But, as bad as he smells at least he comes to class on time. I can’t tell you the number of people who drift in 5, 10 even 20 minutes late. It’s not enough that they are “sneaking” in late. Oh, no, they then have to climb over you and all the other people who have tried to spread out through the narrow rows of theater style seats. So there’s excuse mes, and sorrys, and the sound of lap desks slamming down which can make it really hard to concentrate.
I really wonder how anyone does well.
And now for the real jokes:
Student: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!
Professor: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you!
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Student: I get up early!
Teacher: Why can’t you ever answer any of my questions?
Student: Well if I could there wouldn’t be much point in me being here!