May 22, 2015

You’ve probably heard this one before…

by Janie Jones

Because it’s been a while since I regaled you all with a shaggy dog story.  And because I just bought my 3rd vacuum this year.

A little old lady, down on her luck, answered a knock on the door one day to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

‘Good morning, Ma’am,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.’

‘A door to door salesman!  I didn’t know you existed anymore.  Well, don’t waste your time here, Son.  You don’t have anything that could interest me.  I’m broke and haven’t got any money!’ said the lady said brusquely.

‘But if I could just-‘  The young man began.

‘Go away!’ And she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ‘Now, now.  Don’t be too hasty,’ he commanded. ‘You have to see my free demonstration.’ And with that, he tossed a bucket of manure onto her hallway carpet.

‘What do you think you are doing!’  The lady yelled, horrified.

The young man flashed a charming smile and said, ‘I’m about to prove to you that this vacuum cleaner is worth every penny.  It features 12 different high suction attachments for hard to reach areas and a retractable 30 foot cord for vacuuming convenience.   Designed with a easy to clean cannister, you will never need to by vacuum cleaner bags.  Also, it has a long lasting HEPA filter which will remove allergens and dust from your air.  It has received top Energy Star ratings, so it will actually save you money on your electricity bill.  But that’s not all!  Not only does it have the highest powered suction available on the market, it is guaranteed for life to never loose it’s suction power!  And if it doesn’t remove all of this manure from your carpet, Madam, I will eat whatever it leaves behind.’

The lady frowned and said, ‘I see.  Well let me ask you one question first.’

‘Certainly!’ said the confident young man.

‘Do you prefer a spoon or a fork?’

The young man was taken aback, ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean,’ the lady said, now smiling, ‘Do you prefer to eat with a spoon or a fork, because they cut off my electricity this morning.’

May 21, 2015

Must share

by Janie Jones

Leif just sent me this, and I had to share.

dog thoughtsHave you seen this face?

May 18, 2015

It’s Monday, back to the Madness

by Janie Jones

Summer school starts today.  I am not ready, but that seems to be the theme of my life these days.

I also have a lot of behind the scenes crap I’m dealing with right now, again, theme of my life these days, and as a result the blogging muse is somewhat lacking.

Hopefully we will return to our regular programming here at Janie’s Place soon.

May 14, 2015

Thursday Quote Du Jour: A stiff drink is in order, anyone got any vodka?

by Janie Jones

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

-Ron White

The semester is finally 100% over.  My last final was yesterday.  Ahhhh.  The freedom.  I think this calls for a celebratory drink.  You bring the vodka, I’ve got the lemons.  Oh, yes, have I got lemons.

Did I mention summer school starts Monday?

May 13, 2015

It’s all over but the ‘caw’-ing

by Janie Jones

I was feeling a bit down, okay I was feeling totally wretched, upon leaving my physics final, and I had a staff meeting at the tour guide gig to attend.  Not feeling one bit in the mood for a pointless staff meeting after a soul crushing physics final, and not enjoying beer, I stopped for a Frosty and some fries and sat in the car overlooking the big lake crying over my salty-chocolatey num-nums and hoping they would work some magic on my mood.

And then what to my wondering eyes should appear?

gull 003

Yup that there is a sea gull.  Or, as it lives off a lake does that make it a lake gull?  I’m not a zoologist.

What ever it is, it landed on the hood of my car and strutted about while I ate, occasionally tapping on the windshield as if it thought it might snatch a french fry from me.  After the shock wore off of being less than 3 feet from the bird (albeit separated by a sheet of tempered glass) I decided to try and get a snapshot.  Isn’t that what people do now-a-days with these smart phones?

Lo and behold my feathered friend sat still and posed quite nicely for me.

It kept me company the whole while I ate, and, as if it noticed and realized I was done and wasn’t gonna get any, it flew off just moments before I put the key in the ignition to leave.


May 12, 2015

Tuesday Titters: It’s time for final exams

by Janie Jones

I’m not expecting to do well, but I will be relived to have this semester over.  We can only hope for better next time around.  Hopefully one day I can look back on all this and laugh.

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
“Give four advantages of breast milk.”
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can’t steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good – maybe.

But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled,then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen,and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.

Happy Exams

Google image search jokes+about+final+exams

May 11, 2015

You know it is true what they say about the squeaky wheel…

by Janie Jones

So, Stickittoyou U upgraded their software in April.  Of course this creates all kinds of little problems.  The main one is that my summer class starts next Monday and they *still* don’t have the financial aid awards calculated.  This means I’m supposed to start class in a week but I have no real confirmation that there will be any loan money to pay for it.

The website said it would be available May 2nd.  On May 4th I skedaddled on down to the office to politely ask when I could expect to be told how much financial aid I could have.  They said hopefully by the end of the week.

Well the end of the week came and went and still no notification of whether or not I’ll be getting enough loan money to pay for my summer classes.  So this morning, after freaking out about this for the last week, I, the bundle of barely contained hysteria that I am, skedaddle a second time down to the financial aid office and try, with every frayed fiber of my being, to politely say I still hadn’t received any notice of my financial aid for summer.

Well, basically I was told they *might* *maybe* have that info by the end of *this* week.

But, I tried to say, I start class on Monday.  I need to know before then whether or not I’ll have financial aid to pay for it.

To which I’m told that I should just go to class on Monday and if it turns out that my financial aid awards aren’t ready yet, no biggie I don’t have to pay for tuition until June 22nd.

But, I tried to say, if there ends up not being enough financial aid, how will I pay for the class?

To which I’m told I can always withdraw.

But, I tried to say, you can only withdraw for 100% refund within the first few days of summer classes, and what happens if the withdrawal day comes and goes before you get your act together and tell me how much loan money I can have.

To which I’m told then I can petition for late withdrawal due to the late posting of insufficient financial aid.

But, I try to say, even if you approve my petition on these grounds, I don’t *want* to drop the class.  I *need* this class this summer if I want to graduate next spring.  Being forced to withdrawal due to not having enough financial aid will delay my graduation a whole year.

To which I’m told I should get a private student loan.

Okay, I say.  I’ve never had to do that, can you tell me anything about how that works?

To which I’m told I need to find a bank who will give me a loan.  I need to apply and be approved.  I should expect the process to take a week or two.

But, that’s not much help, still won’t know before I have to start class!

To which I’m told, it’s not their fault.

But I say, it sort of is, you are behind on your financial aid calculations you said you were going to have available over a week ago.  If you had told me then to make other arrangements, I would have had more time to look into private loans.  Now it’s too late, and I shouldn’t have to worry about this while I’m supposed to be studying for finals.

To which I’m told they understand but they really have no control over what’s happened and there’s nothing they can do.

I highly doubt that.  But I ask then who I can complain to because this situation is unacceptable.

It seems the main campus down south is responsible for the timing being delayed due to the system upgrade.  They chose to do the upgrade when they did, but no matter when it was upgraded there would always be some department or some system that would be inconvenienced.  I’m told I just have to be patient.

To which I said, I have been patient.  I’ve been a saint.  There is no excuse for this.  Students should have a right to have their financial aid information available more than the Friday before classes start.  And you can’t even guarantee I’ll have it by the end of this week.

Oh, yes.  I’ve been more than patient.  But I’m quite done being patient now.  And you’ll have to excuse me.  I need to leave before I become a screaming, raging mess.

But, once I finished screaming and crying (safely back in the empty lab), I called the science college office and complained.  I called the the Stickittoyou U Chancellor and complained.  I typed a very nasty letter to the editor I considered submitting to both the campus newspaper and the Big City newspapers.  A little later I complained to my boss when he showed up.  I complained to my coworker when she showed up.  By this time I was a little less Incredible Hulk and a little more Bruce Banner, so I went down to the campus bank to inquire about loans.

On my way I complained to my academic adviser.

I then discovered the campus bank doesn’t give student loans.

When I finally arrived back at the lab my coworker asked how it went, and I complained that the bank on the campus didn’t give student loans.

By now this was becoming so ludicrous we both began to laugh.  Me because it masked the steady loss of what little sanity I can lay claim to, my coworker probably because she was afraid not to laugh along with me.

Somehow in all this drama 5 hours had elapsed.  I decided I might as well go home and try to go through the charade of studying for my microbiology final tomorrow.  And, just as I was packing up my stuff, my cell phone rings.

Apparently someone instructed the financial aid office, and my money is on the Chacellor’s office, to call me and give me a verbal notice of what my financial aid would be when they finally finalized the award letters and sent them out at this unknown future date.

Amazing how suddenly they can release this information.  And, they can be very specific too.

So, it turns out that not only will I have loan money available but there will be plenty to go around.  Thank goodness.  You know, I hate having to take out loans for school and living expenses, but it’s the only way.  And, then when you don’t even know if you will have that, it really can put you in a spin.  With that one phone call to give me my information a huge weight lifted.

Now I can move on to panicking about my final.