Archive for ‘The Gov’ment Got It’s Finghar’s In My Honey Pot’

June 19, 2013

A peek into the future, and for this city girl the view is pretty comical

by Janie Jones

So, Leif, hoping the deal on this new house goes through, is already day dreaming of having his own farm.

He wants to keep goats.  I think they’re icky, but he really likes them apparently.  He thinks they’re neat pet animals, but he’s also interested in them for their food value; as in goat’s milk, goat cheese, and of course, meat.

Just a few minutes ago he comes into my room where I’m working away at my computer and the following conversation ensues:

Leif:  So I know this seems out of the blue, but I was reading about roasting goats-

Janie busts out laughing.

Leif:  But that’s not the funny part.

Janie keeps on laughing.

Leif:  The funny part is that it made me think of you.

Janie stops laughing.

Leif hurries along:  Which made me think of tzatziki sauce and how yours is always runny.  Which lead me to reading about how to make it not runny.  You take a coffee filter and put it in a colander and then put the sauce in the colander and the excess water will drain out.

Janie:  Well, I think it’s funnier that you were reading about roasting goats in the first place.  That’s not a topic of conversation offered up between most Americans.  Now I know what my future holds if you get this farm:  a lot of atypical conversations.

Leif:  It gets weirder when you call the house to ask what’s for dinner and I tell you I’m throwing a couple of kids on the grill.

Let’s just hope that’s one conversation the NSA doesn’t take out of context….

November 7, 2012

Apparently there will be no change, and no hope either

by Janie Jones

So it would seem life in America will remain an Obamination.

I seriously doubt I have anything elegant, witty, or snarky to say today.  I’m just rambling, feeling lost, and am not even sure this post can qualify as a rant.  The gray, bleak November Great White North landscape is a perfect illustration of my inner sensations.  I am vaguely aware of being disappointed at not being able to say I was wrong in predicting this particular outcome, but I really, really wanted to wake up pleasantly surprised to be wrong and have a better outcome than I had faith in.  That said, mostly I just feel like the end of a worn out, tired fall.  The end of the golden days is upon us and a long hard winter is coming.  Buckle down and prepare for the worst.  What is left to do or say?

Okay, I confess, I do have something else to say:  I voted.  I didn’t have much confidence it would do any real good, but it was my duty to do so and at least give a show of faith in what is left of the democratic process.  So I did.  But the cold, dark side of democracy that no one talks about is the side that doesn’t win.  It doesn’t talk about how miserable it feels knowing you are mostly likely going to lose, and then actually losing and knowing in the pit of your gut that the “winning side” is against everything you believe in, yet you have to lump it and accept it.  Losing is a part of the deal, but it seems the older I get the more losing is happening and there is absolutely nothing good coming of the “winning side” to make any kind of consolation possible.  Compounding the frustration is the complete feeling of helplessness to do anything to improve the situation but cast a useless vote.

What do I, simple Janie Jones, know about government and politics?  Nothing.  I just have a feeling.  Apparently, however, just enough more Americans think my POV is crap (or at least enough are willing to be dishonest about the election process), than agree or we wouldn’t be in this situation.  It would seem to be a distasteful truth then, that according to the way our democratic republic is run, if you lose, then your beliefs about what should happen in your country suddenly don’t matter and you are ignored at best and demonized at worst.

So, what am I left with?  Well, if nothing else I can always say that by casting my vote and not seeing the results I wished for, I at the very least earned the right to complain about the crappy hand we’ve been dealt.  But I won’t complain.  At least not today.  At least not much.  And, besides, I’m sure there’s zillions of other prolific political bloggers more eloquent in their soliloquies than I could ever be, so why add more hot air when I could be stocking up on toilet paper and food to get me through what promises to be a long, dark winter.

November 5, 2012

I really don’t know what to say

by Janie Jones

Tomorrow I will go to the polls and I will do what I have always thought was a patriotic duty and a privilege.  Unfortunately, I can’t say I am happy about my choices, and I don’t know how I can endorse either popular candidate.

I had started out with a much longer rant, but really, those of us who despair of tomorrow have probably all thought it, said it, read it and heard it before.  What new insight can a simple Janie Jones bring?

So, I guess that’s all I have to say about that.

July 10, 2012

Tuesday Titters: Week 28; taking Homeland Security a bit too far

by Janie Jones

I can’t take credit for this gem.  It came to me by way of one of those joke chain mail letters, but I thought it was good enough to continue to share.

The other day I went to the grocery store and when I took out my debit card in the check out line, to my shock, the clerk turned and said to me, “Face forward, strip down please.”

I was in a hurry, and the line was long behind me, and so not wanting to cause a scene I complied; but I made a mental note to complain to my congresspersons about this ridiculous new level of security checks.  However, as I dropped my trousers, the clerk screamed. How was I supposed to know she was talking about the strip on my debit card.

Ba-dum, dum.

July 4, 2012

Happy Birthday to U.S.

by Janie Jones

On July 4, 1776 these words were written:

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. ….

And with these words the birth of a new nation, a great nation, was begun.

Today, on the United States of America’s birthday, I am proud to be a citizen of this great nation.  And yet, I can’t help but feel a little sad that the great ideas and strong convictions that led to the birth of our Nation have been marginalized by the government of today.  The men who stood tall and signed our Declaration of Independence are likely rolling over in their grave, ashamed and horrified with what the American people have allowed to happen to our country.

I beg of you, fellow Americans, read your Declaration of Independence, a document as pertinent 236 years ago among 13 colonies as it is today among 50 states.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. –Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. ….

In 2012 we do not fight our friends in England, we fight ourselves and the mess we have allowed our Government to make of our freedoms, our economy and our way of life.

My wish as the candles are blown out today on America’s birthday cake is that come November our votes are respected, our wishes as a people are honored and our government, which is supposed to be a body of public servants, remembers that it is their duty to serve, not to dictate.  We are fortunate enough to be citizens of a Great Nation.  It is our duty and our right to keep it that way, and it is imperative that we vote Tuesday, November 6, 2012 to be heard and to save our Country.

Bless you America, and a very happy birthday to you.  Let us hope we celebrate many more birthdays as free people.

Quotes from the Declaration of Independence are borrowed from Archiving Early America.  You can find the full body of the Declaration of Independence at Archiving Early America’s site or here, under Liberty Jane.

Also, please read your Constitution and the Bill of Rights, you can find a copy here, under Liberty Jane.

April 27, 2012

And sometimes the Universe gives you a huge neon sign saying, “Don’t go there!”

by Janie Jones

I can take a hint.  Really.

So, I have to accept that I’m just not supposed to take this classics class.  I’ve tried to sign up for it now for 4 different terms and for one reason or another I’ve never been successful.  I thought (and this is apparently where I always get into trouble…) that this summer I finally succeeded.  I was looking forward to it even.  And then…

Apparently the U.S. government body that makes decisions about college grants said, “Hmn.  Times is tough.  We needs to cut back.  Let’s not offer Pell Grant money in the summer no more.”

And, so now I must drop classics because I can’t afford to pay out of pocket for the course.

My summer is suddenly seeming very empty.  And, that my friends must be the silver lining.  Sometimes Fate does favor fools and unemployed-work-a-holic-crazy-single-mom-pushing-40-students.

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January 20, 2012

Well, will wonders never cease

by Janie Jones

So, I got an email from one of my congress persons today. Or rather, I should say I got a [form] letter from my congress person’s blue dressed intern or assistant. It read like this:

January 20, 2012

Dear *Ms. Jones:

Thank you for contacting me about the Protect IP Act. I appreciate hearing from you and especially appreciate hearing the concerns you have raised.

On January 20th, 2012, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced an indefinite postponement of the scheduled Senate vote on the Protect IP Act. As Congress continues to consider this issue, please know that I will work to make sure your concerns are addressed.

The internet has dramatically altered the manner in which we communicate, conduct business, seek entertainment and find information. It is vital to ensure that online innovation and openness are preserved so the American people can continue to freely to express themselves and pursue personal and economic endeavors over the internet.

It is also important that foreign criminals not be allowed to steal the property of others without consequence. The pirating of intellectual property is not a victimless crime. Rather, it threatens the jobs and livelihoods of millions of middle class American workers and businesses. However, we must seek ways to protect people from online piracy, particularly foreign piracy, without limiting web-based innovation or a free exchange of ideas.

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact me. One of the most important parts of my job is listening to what the people of [my state] have to say to me. I am here in our nation’s capital to do the public’s business and to serve the people of our state. I hope you will contact me again about matters of concern to you.


[Senator’s Name]
United States Senator

*Names and places have been changed to maintain my blogging identity mystique. Great word, that: mystique. Although, I wasn’t much impressed with Mystique as an X-men character. But, I digress.

So, I really just wanted to shake my virtual finger at all you foreign criminals out there and say, “Stop stealing from our Great American Internet.” You know, it is rumored that Al Gore invented the internet, snipe hunting and pants. It’s obvious to see that pants wearing snipe hunters have the legitimate rights to internet ownership and it’s all you foreigner’s faults that our pants wearing snipe hunters may have to take their internet and go home. Think of all the poor middle class Americans you are victimizing!!!!

*Gasp* Sob! *Cluck*

Foreign Intellectual Property Pirates. There has to be a really funny joke in that, but it’s probably already someone else’s intellectual property so I couldn’t share it here anyway.

One silver lining though, if you can believe a word of what any politician says, the PIPA act vote has been indefinitely postponed. I bet someone on Capitol Hill realized that if this act was passed they wouldn’t be able to get at their porn. Porn saves the day!!!!