Archive for ‘Quoteables’

May 14, 2015

Thursday Quote Du Jour: A stiff drink is in order, anyone got any vodka?

by Janie Jones

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

-Ron White

The semester is finally 100% over.  My last final was yesterday.  Ahhhh.  The freedom.  I think this calls for a celebratory drink.  You bring the vodka, I’ve got the lemons.  Oh, yes, have I got lemons.

Did I mention summer school starts Monday?

May 7, 2015

Thursday Quote Du Jour: Huh? What’s that? Who are you people? What am I doing here?

by Janie Jones
Of all the things I've lost

Stolen from somewhere in the bowels of the internet. I can’t be more specific, I’ve lost my mind not to mention the citation.


April 30, 2015

Thursday Quote Du Jour: Getting the facts

by Janie Jones

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

-Mark Twain

Okay, okay.  I have a fondness for that pseudoscience alien encounter crap.  Not like I believe for a second that aliens abduct and experiment on people.  But, the possibility that other “sentient” beings exist somewhere in the universe is worth pondering.  I just don’t believe for a second that they have been here.  Or if they have that they would have any interest in experimenting on people.  In my mind, if a race of beings was able to figure out how to achieve faster than light speed travel, what on Earth could possibly be curious to them about human biology.  Seems if you can crack the physics of time and space and travel hundreds of light years across the galaxy, there isn’t much left to be discovered in the primitive race of man.  They’d either destroy us like we destroy an anthill or they’d just totally ignore us.  In a way that’s one and the same.

Still I find these TV shows curiously fascinating.

Seriously though, what I enjoy most about all these “Ancient Aliens” theories is laughing at their bunk.  I find it tremendously fun to laugh at how they are built on the premise that we have no other good explanation for things so, lets assume that ancient human beings were too stupid to have any significant scientific knowledge or sophisticated imaginations and that must mean some alien intelligence was afoot here on Earth to build cities of granite, wage nuclear wars, oh, and, but first kill off all the dinosaurs except a few which they repopulated because they posed no threat to the race of humans they were engineering and nurturing.  WTF?

I watched this show about ancient aliens and dinosaurs last night.  It was like they couldn’t decide.  Did ancient aliens destroy all the dinosaurs so the aliens could then raise up the human race “safely?”  Or did they only kill off some, and that up until rather recently there were still small populations of dinosaurs living with humans as is “evidenced” by “dinosaur like” images engraved in stones and buildings in central America and Asia?

Because you know, we were wrong about the extinction of the coelacanth.  Somehow, we managed to miss the existence of a roughly human sized fish in a huge ocean.  Surely we could be wrong about the extinction of land animals like dinosaurs the size of a building.

Still it makes for a good yarn.


April 23, 2015

Thursday Quote Du Jour: How am I doing in physics? Eh, it’s all relative.

by Janie Jones

The semester, and therefore my foray into the realm of physics, is almost over.  But, we are just beginning to study relativity.


When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

-Albert Einstein
April 7, 2015

Tuesday Titters: Toilet Humor

by Janie Jones

So the other day in microbiology someone said something, I honestly can’t remember what, but it got twisted into a double entendre by the guy across the lab bench.

There was a little laughing and then another person commented on taking things out of context.

Before I knew what I was saying I followed up with, “Hey, get your mind out of the gutter. Unless you’re a methanogen, then I guess you belong there.”

Gutter-mind-guy laughed and said, “Have you been saving that one up for just the right moment?”

I shook my head and said, “Nope. Just came to me. I guess I have learned a thing or two in this class. I mean, being able to make lame bacteria gutter jokes looks great on a resume right?”

And because I have been saving these up for a while until I could find some way to introduce toilet humor, here’s some real toilet/sewer jokes:

What do you call a sewer expert?

A connoissewer.

What did the one toilet say to the other toilet?

You look flushed.

Did you hear someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet?

Right now the cops have nothing to go on.

Did you hear about Robin Hood’s house?

It has a little John.

Jokes from Norweco
April 2, 2015

Thursday Quote Du Jour: Pucker up, Buttercup

by Janie Jones

Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?

miscellaneous quote from Google

I’m a scientist.  Dinosaurs as such are extinct.  According to the geologic record they vanished about 65 million years ago.

What happened, then, to the dinosaurs?

I’m a scientist Jim, not a paleontologist.

But that kinda depends on how you classify dinosaur.  Some evidence suggests dinosaurs evolved into birds, so one could arguably say, “Dinosaurs still exist but in the form of birds.”

But then, you could also stretch that argument and say, I had Kentucky fried T-Rex last night or an Allosaurus omelet this morning.

funny-dinosaur-evolution to chicken dinner

And in which case, I see a flock of dinosaurs every time I visit Leif on the farm.

Reality check, if you can call a Gallup poll reality:

According to a 1993 Gallup poll, 3% of 18-29 year olds and 2% of responders who never went to college believe that dinosaurs still exist.  On the other hand, apparently 16% of 65+ year olds believe dinosaurs are a myth.

I have no idea what this post means.  It started with a funny quote and it will end with pet burial and aliens.

Dinosaur Cartoon buy pets


 *images from Google funny images of dinosaurs search



March 5, 2015

Thursday Quote Du Jour: There’s something in the water

by Janie Jones

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
-Benjamin Franklin


Hmmm,  yes.  But in wine and beer there is fungus poop.