First the apology. This is where I bitch about my life. I figure I haven’t’ done that much lately, so you might have forgotten who the real Janie Jones is.
I really don’t want to go to work today. I’d much rather stay home and make cheesecake or paint my living room.
Instead I have to go give diabetic drugs to mice and take photos of their nests. Which, I admit, is better than the days when I have to overdose them on morphine and poke them in their feet, or harvest their organs. But, in any event, it’s not at all the kind of thing one gets a spring in their step over.
I knew there was a reason I spent 5 years of my life and an obscene amount of money on going to college to get a science degree: to still not like to get up and go to work while only barely make enough to live on.
The other day I was watching Flea Market Flip on Hulu. I watched someone spend $825 on an old wrought iron sewing machine stand painted orange and turned into a table with 4 rickety-ass looking orange chairs. Who makes this kind of money where they can buy over-priced shit like this and not bat an eye? What do they do for a living? Seriously, I need to know what kind of soul crushing job I need to get so I can have that kind of disposable cash. I mean, I already have a soul crushing job, I at least could get paid stupid amounts of money if I’m going to feel miserable every day anyway.
Let’s just say this. I do understand that animal models are the most significant and accurate way to test some stuff that will truly better our medical knowledge and I do like having drugs and medical procedures that are vastly improved this past few decades. However, as hypocritical as it may sound, I personally did not want to be the person in the trenches. So while logically I accept the dark necessity, I am not handling it well emotionally.
Add to that the frustration of poor health and getting up every day to go to work is a challenge.
Add to that the challenge of knowing that I can’t just quit because decent paying jobs are very hard to come by, and as morally and emotionally wearing as my job is, I have no where else to go that will be enough to pay my bills. One wants to be grateful for what one has, but damn, sometimes it’s tough.
I have been thinking a lot about getting my master’s degree so hopefully I can get out of the mouse lab. But, my original plan hit a financial snag. If I don’t come up with a new way to fund my degree I don’t know if I will be able to make a go of it. What ever I do, I have to be very careful not to sink more money I don’t have into another degree that might end me up no better than I am now.
I kinda hate to be that person that says I told you so, but this is exactly the reason why I didn’t do traditional college when I was a traditional college age person. High risk and low reward. At least for people like me, college doesn’t pay. I’m smart enough to aspire but not cleverly genius or curiously driven enough to really excel.
And you know what really sucks? I finally am in a home I like and living in a town I like and have good friends. But 5/7ths of my week is becoming so miserable I can’t enjoy the fruits of my labor.
Dammit. I better get my ass moving or I’ll be late.
Janie's Place 