More evidence that I have lost my mind

by Janie Jones

Last week I wanted to wear a particular pair of brown linen short pants.  Generally I would hang my short pants on hangers.  I used to have way more closet space than drawer space so I used to hang pretty much every thing except socks and underwear.

Now, I don’t wear shorts that are shorter than mid calf length.  These kinds of short pants go by way too many different names for me to keep up.  What are they called this season?  Capris?  Pedal-pushers? Cropped pants?  Knickers?  Breeches?  Ankle pants?

Whatever.  I have hideous varicose veins and misshapen knees.  I wear shorts that come to some region below the knee and above the ankle.  Linen is my summer short fabric of choice.  Cool.  Light.  Drapey.

Anyway, I digress.  So, I used to hang my below the knee length short pants in the closet.  Here in my tiny room in Big City space every where is lacking.  But, instinct first drove me to look for said shorts hanging in the closet.  No particular brown linen short pants.  Hmmn.  That’s right, here I put all my short pants on the shelf in the closet.  Yet, no particular brown linen short pants.  Huh.  Well, perhaps they are in a storage tub under the bed.  No time to search there.  Wear the other brown linen short pants that are a hair on the snug side.

Over the weekend I was out at the farm.  Much of my apparel is on a garment rack in my room there.  So, I took a gander.  Perhaps the particular brown linen short pants I was looking for was there.  Nope.  Still no particular brown linen short pants.  But wait.  There’s a box of short pants in storage under the bed in my room at the farm.  Maybe last summer in the midst of my mental break down trying to decide what to unpack from the first move and what to repack for the second move I put those particular brown linen short pants in the box with the shorts under the bed at the farm.  Alas, pulling out the box and sorting through did not turn up the particular brown linen short pants, but I did find the black linen short pants I bought at the same time and forgot I had bought.  And then I began to wonder where the ivory pair was that was also bought at the same time as the brown and the black pair.

Back in town Sunday afternoon I was putting away some clean short pants on the shelf.  Once again I thought of those particular brown linen short pants.  So I pulled all the shorts down and re-stacked them one by one.   Well, there was the ivory pair I couldn’t remember what I’d done with.  How’d I miss those? *Sigh*  The ol’ brain box is not what it used to be.

The full on derp-a-derp moment, though, hit this morning.  I was reaching for a pair of blue jeans hanging on a hook in the closet.  I had worn them a few days back for just a couple hours and while they didn’t need to be washed, I was feeling lazy and didn’t want to hang them up.  As I pulled them off the hook I noticed something else hanging on the hook behind them.

The particular pair of brown linen short pants I’d been searching for.

Only, they weren’t brown.

Oh, no.

They were olive green.

Oh, yes.

I suddenly realized that the pants I had been searching for didn’t exist.  They never existed.  I had bought three pairs of linen short pants a few summers ago:  black, ivory and olive green.  I forgot I bought the black ones, and somehow substituted the green for brown.

Now don’t ask me why or how I only just remembered.  But for about 5 or 6 days I really, really thought I had that particular pair of brown linen short pants instead of green, even though I had worn that green pair only days before I went looking for the brown pair that never existed.

It’s not really funny anymore.  I want my brain back.

4 Comments to “More evidence that I have lost my mind”

  1. This could be me!!! 🙂

  2. Honestly, it IS really funny 😀

    • Yeah. It is funny. That’s why I shared my humiliation with you all. At least if I’m losing my marbles, I an find some comedy in it and entertain everyone.

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