Archive for July 23rd, 2013

July 23, 2013

In honor of Tuesday Titters: A Tale of Two Clams

by Janie Jones

I don’t think this joke ever made an appearance for Tuesday Titters last year.  I don’t know why, it’s one of my favorite shaggy dog stories.

Once upon a time there were two clams, Sam Clam and Joe Molluscus.  Sam and Joe were best friends their whole lives.  But they were no exception to the circle of life, and one day they were both called to Heaven.

Upon reaching the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said to the two friends, “Welcome to Heaven, Sam Clam and Joe Molluscus.  You have both led exemplary clam lives, and as your eternal reward you may decide how you wish to spend your afterlife.”

Immediately Joe replied, “Oh, St. Peter!  I have always wanted to be a beautiful angel wandering about the heavens playing exquisite harp music for all to enjoy.  Nothing more and nothing less will be my desire for eternal bliss.”

St. Peter nodded, “As you wish, Joe.  Here’s your harp.  Go forth and play beautiful music and be at peace and be happy.”  At once a harp appeared in Joe’s hands and he glowed a heavenly light which mirrored the sheer delight of his soul.

Then St. Peter turned to Sam and said, “Have you decided how to spend your eternity?”

“Yes,” Sam replied.  “I have always secretly longed to own a disco.”

“A disco?!”  Said St. Peter in surprise.

“Oh, yes!”  Said Sam eagerly.  “Like Joe, I want to provide music to bring joy to all the people.  But I also want them to be able to participate and dance in their joy.  A disco is the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.”

“Well, then, as you wish Sam.”  Said St. Peter.

“Good by Joe Molluscus.”  Said Sam as he began to fade away in transport to his dream disco.

“But Sam Clam!  What if I miss you?”  Cried Joe in dismay.

“Then come and dance at my disco, friend!”  Sam called.  So there was nothing left but for Joe Molluscus to wander the heavens playing his harp and occasionally visiting Sam Clam.

After some portion of eternity had passed, St. Peter one day came upon Joe Molluscus, his heavenly glow extinguished, draped forlornly over a tuft of cloud, sans harp. 

“Why, Joe Molluscus!”  Exclaimed St. Peter at such a miserable sight.  “What ever has happened to you?  You look so sad, why don’t you play some of your beautiful music?”

“I can’t!”  Wailed the miserable Joe.

“Come now, why ever not?  Why are you so sad?”  Asked St. Peter in concern.

“Because, St. Peter,” said Joe.  “I left my harp in Sam Clam’s disco.”

Ouch!  That was a true groaner.