Task Mistress Day 120; 101 Task 18 out of 101/1001 The party’s over, but someone forgot to tell my brain

by Janie Jones

Task 18 Completed!

Get my radiation therapy before my insurance expires in September. (4/11/12; 8/8/12 )

See “I’m my very own medical drama,” June 30, 2012 and “Woman in the Mauve Mask,” July 5, 2012


My last radiation treatment was last Thursday.  I turned off the alarm and just existed for the next three days.  But, every high has it’s low, and Monday was back to “normal.”  Or at least whatever passes for normal these days.

Today I saw my ophthalmologist.  I have been having some additional visual weirdness which defies quantification, and yet the medical staff always wants me to make it cut and dry.  *Rolls radioactive eyes skyward*

The quantifiable parts:

The swelling on the optic nerve ending where it enters the back of my eyeball is significantly reduced.

My “blindspot” has remained stable.

No new “blindspots” have been identified in my bad eye or my good eye.

I read at 20/20 vision with my contacts.

Sounds good.  Now the unquantifiable part:

Letters and shapes viewed through my bad eye don’t look like they’re supposed to.  My brain knows what they are, but it is telling me that they aren’t “appearing” as they should.

Letters appear out of focus in my good eye, even though I see them just fine.  They also appear “smeared.”  Bright objects and lights have a “halo effect” and lines of text and objects which should have straight edges appear “pinched” as if they are larger on the ends than in the middle when they should be the same size throughout.

Sounds clear, but these are subjective descriptions of things which defy description.  I can see and I can read, but I know I’m not seeing things as they really are.  In other words, I’m seeing well enough to pass all the visual tests available because my brain can compensate and accurately interpret the images on my retina even though visual input is not being seen as it truly appears &/or is getting relayed inaccurately.  The ophthalmologist can’t say exactly why this is happening or how to fix it; the relationship between the brain, nerves and the eye are very complex.  I am apparently a very complex case among complex systems. However, I will have to be patient.  For now, all I can do is wait.  Either my nerves and my brain will get back in sync or they won’t.  Either the quality of my vision improves, or it doesn’t.  The die is cast.  Ultimately, I just hope it stops getting worse or else I’ll feel stuck in a Salvador Dali painting for the rest of my life.

Well, I think we’re about ready to put this topic to bed.  At least for a while.  Before I end this post though, I really want to thank everyone out there who has been praying for me and sending well wishes my way.  It means so much to me.  So, thank you!


3 Comments to “Task Mistress Day 120; 101 Task 18 out of 101/1001 The party’s over, but someone forgot to tell my brain”

    • Tilly, that was pretty much my response too: it sounds like good news…??? I guess it is, but it’s not something like setting a broken bone where they know if it worked or not. In three months I have another MRI so they can check the size of the tumor. If it shrank the procedure is considered a success, but that doesn’t necessarily mean my vision will ever return to normal. The most probable outcome is for it to stabilize, but we hope that maybe it might get a little closer to normal. All we can do is wait and “see.”

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