Boobie Prizes

by Janie Jones

***Warning:  This post includes references to female body parts and medical procedures.  While I have a great respect for my female specific anatomy, I will show no compunction whatsoever about discussing them and poking a little fun.***

My physician informed me that I was reaching “that certain age” at which a woman should get a baseline mammogram.  I am blessed to have a family history free of all cancers, but I have a very good friend who has fought a grueling battle with breast cancer, so I know this is important.  As I’m most likely going to max out my deductible this year anyway I had my first one done yesterday.

Let me just say, it was not bad at all.  Perhaps I have a high threshold for discomfort, but I’ve had cramps that were way more painful and, let me just say, I seldom get cramps.  Besides, after childbirth and nursing, what’s left to be modest or uncomfortable about?  What, as women and mothers, have we not yet experienced and survived in the pain and mortification category?  Seriously.  The worst part was removing these “markers” they taped to my nipples so the radiologist would be able to identify their location.  Argh!  What’s with the industrial strength glue on those babies?  But it was kinda funny.  They were little pieces of tape with tiny metal “buttons.”  I called them my irradiated bionic nipples.  The radiation tech didn’t quite know what to do with me.  Anyway, mammograms are way less uncomfortable than a pap smear, for sure!  I know some of you probably avoid that too.  I don’t blame you, but these things are important.  Embarrassment and very temporary and minimal discomfort is fleeting.  A preventable and premature death is forever; cancer is about a gazillion times more painful and mortifying.

But if protecting your health isn’t enough of an incentive, they give you prizes for a job well done:

Because I always feel better about getting a mammogram when I’m rewarded with a nail file and peppermints.  Now, if they could get Maltesers in those little packets….

Please, have your mammograms and pap smears as scheduled by your physician. 

Love yourself, love your family, protect both.

9 Responses to “Boobie Prizes”

  1. Janie, you are fabulous!

  2. I am so glad to have discovered your blog!!!!

  3. You got a nail file and peppermints? That didn’t happen to me last time I had a mammogram 😦 I would have preferred the Maltesers too!
    Thanks for the laugh on a serious matter.

  4. I have regular smears (wincing just thinking about them) but I haven’t had a mammogram yet. Think they do it once you turn 50 in the UK, so it’s not far off.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: