Janie Jones, thy middle name is Domestic Goddess.

by Janie Jones

I was at the Target, or as the spud calls it, The Red Store, for no particular reason the other day. No reason other than I like shopping there. It is clean. It seldom resembles a inbred family reunion mug shot opportunity.

Anyway, as I was aimlessly wandering the aisles I happened to notice my Duvet Fabric available in pillow shams! You would have thought someone had made them out of a fistful of Bejamins. And they had king and standard which I both use!!

This my friends gives me the proverbial wide-on (too much information?) for several reasons which in my enthusiasm I feel compelled to share.

1. I used to have beautiful white bedding embroidered with dainty blue flowers and edges piped in blue. There were matching drapes and valances and toss pillows and a duvet with sheets and shams. Then I married. No amount of Shout!, Oxy Clean, Magic Orange, or bleach could remove the industrial strength body grease stains from the spouse’s side of the bed. I know–Eeeeewww, gross! I had to sleep next to it for 10 years. Needless to say, it was cheap-o bargain basement linens during that time.
2. Janie gets divorced and can have nice things again, so she goes out and buys all new bedding. Nicer things, but still they had to be dog resistant.
3. Fido dies. No more need for dog or spouse resistant bedding.
4. Dear Leif buys me a down comforter for my birthday, an item I have always coveted and never owned. So cool!
5. I spend the next year looking for the PERFECT duvet. I contemplate giving up the search and making one. Then, while waiting for the fabric from the fabric store that I like to go on sale, I absentmindedly wandering the aisle of Target find the perfect duvet on clearance for $17.98. SCORE! Apparently said item was on clearance because it was a catalog return and not in it’s original packaging. But there are no coordinating linens. Bummer.
6. This summer I resolve to buy fabric and make shams. But I have a difficult time finding fabric to match. Errr!
7. Then, the other day as I was aimlessly wandering the aisles of Target I happened to notice my Duvet Fabric available in pillow shams!

So you can see that domestic bliss is really a matter of having the perfect bedding, free from body oil, and dog funk. Oh, and having matching shams. Now, I just wonder if I’ll be able to find a matching bed skirt and drapes….


2 Comments to “Janie Jones, thy middle name is Domestic Goddess.”

  1. Thank you thank you thank you! For the longest time filled with the most shocked or puzzled looks, I thought I was the only person who uses the phrase “wide on”. I can rest easy now. 🙂

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