Mixed Bag

by Janie Jones

In review of my first 3 weeks of college:

Health class message: You’re fat and lazy and if you don’t exercise you will die (earlier and more senselessly than otherwise) so we are going to make you exercise for your own good, whether you want to or not, and your grade will depend on your attitude.

Diversity class message: You’re white and you suck. If you’re white and a woman you suck slightly less because white men suck the most. Don’t worry, people from other cultures suck too, but only in their own lands, once they come to the U.S. we must feel pity, guilt and shame for all the misery us white people cause them.

First Responder class message: You MUST bust your nuts to save everyone. If you don’t drop whatever you are doing and do everything in your power to help someone in an accident you suck and could be sued. Whether you want to or not you must become Red Cross Certified in First Response by passing the Red Cross First Responder Certification test in order to pass this class.

Chemistry class message: Human beings (and cow farts) are destroying the planet. We all suck (and cows blow).

Medical Terminology: Okay, well there isn’t much message here, it’s just memorizing words.

I am required by my college to take all these classes. I have no choice if I want to graduate. I really hate my Health class, I would never have taken it if it wasn’t required. My teacher is pretty cool, but I feel the course itself is extremely condescending. I am not twelve. I think I should be old enough to decide on my own whether or not I want to exercise, and I think it is pretty uppity of them to force it upon me.

First Response was another I didn’t want to take but was shanghaied into. I thought it might be cool, but I don’t like the fact that I am being made to feel like a jack ass because I don’t automatically want to wade into a potentially dangerous scene full of blood and dying people and take responsibility for someone else’s survival. Am I glad there are other people out there who are willing to do so? Hell yeah, and I honor and respect those people deeply. Am I interested in learning how, sure. But I absolutely hate it when people tell me that I must responsible for things I have not CHOSEN to be responsible for. Don’t foist someone else’s life upon me. Most days it’s all I can do to keep my own life and my daughter’s going. If I feel I can help I will do what I feel I can do and it will be my CHOICE to do so, not someone else’s. I think everyone should have the right to say, “Whoa, I don’t feel comfortable with this, I need to step away.” And, I wouldn’t want someone who wasn’t comfortable with being in charge being forced to provide me with care because they were guilted or coerced into doing so. A good samaritan is not a good samaritan if they feel pressured to act by outside forces.

And, you think that is a rant, don’t even get me started on Diversity Class. It should actually be called the class that is a temporal black hole. The homework and assignments for this class take up more time than all my other classes combined, and I haven’t even started my 30 hour practicum yet. I can tolerate the idea that I need to learn about prejudice and sexism and social inequality, but I don’t think I should have to spend 12, 15 or more hours a week on one class that is only worth 3 credit hours.

So, out of all these classes, Med Term sucks the least. Surprisingly, Chem comes in as second least sucky. And, it was the class I feared the most. Med Term is easy, it’s just rote memorization. About half the material I already know. I can listen to the vocabulary words and definitions on CD while I commute. The other classes I expected to be irritating, but who expects the Spanish Inquisition? At least so far I’m maintaining a good grade in all the classes as a consolation prize for my frustration.

And, I apparently got an A on my chem test. That definitely takes a bit of sting out of the week.

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3 Comments to “Mixed Bag”

  1. I’m just wondering how long I’d last in Health, Diversity, or First Responder before someone stabbed me in the head. I’d guess 20 minutes, tops.
    I mean, I formulated snark-backtalk to the classes as I was reading.
    I’d have fun, but eventually I’d be stabbed.

  2. It is a tremendous burden, to be polite and politically correct when you secretly are itching to go postal. A very large, exhausting, irritating burden.

    But I am stubborn enough to take a strange sort of satisfaction in not letting them win. I will get my degree and I won’t remember one bit of the information I have been force fed. So there! Take that you moronic bleeding heart educational losers! Think you can make your selves feel superior at my expense? Ha! I’ll show you! I deny your crap, IN MY MIND!

    It’s a small victory, but if it keeps me out of jail then it’s all good.

  3. You should always volunteer to play the “victim/patient” in the FirstResponse course. And always play someone in a coma. You can catch up on sleep that way.

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