Things that drive me ape shit.

by Janie Jones

So, I’m feeling a bit less morose today.

Classes yesterday were not such a huge downer. Perhaps now I’ve purged my misery I’ll do better. Only time will tell. Thanks to those who read my post and provided moral support. It meant a lot.

Now, however, I’d like to talk about something else school related that really chaffs my backside. The bathroom design. Specifically, the placement of toilet paper dispensers.

Through out my “path” on campus there are lots of toilets. I’ve noticed that the vast majority of them have those huge dual paper rolls. Bonus points for that, being then less likely to run out at a crucial moment. However, the placement of said dispensers is absolutely inane. I kid you not, I measured, yes, I carry a tape measure in my purse, they are placed so the opening is 14 inches off the ground.

Essentially this means that when you are sitting, or squatting, on the pot, you have to lean way forward, down and twist your hand up awkwardly to reach into the dispenser. It’s real flimsy “green” toilet paper so the end always sticks to the roll and it is really irritating when you are in a hurry between classes to be trying not to let the skin of your bare ass actually touch the toilet while bent over, leaning forward and groping up the inside of the dispenser clumsily attempting to spin the roll with the tip of your finger because it is just barely in reach trying to find the end of paper. Then, just when you manage to grasp the object of your contortions, the paper is not strong enough to support the weight of the roll so pulling only yields you one or two wimpy squares and you find yourself repeating your graceless grab-for-the-T.P.-gyrations.

It is absolutely unnatural and wrong for one’s head to be below one’s knees while peeing.

Now I’m a pretty short individual. What must it be like for the growing number of tall women? Or handicapped persons? The handicapped stalls are the worst, granted the bars are there to hold on to, but if one is grabbing a bar for support, how can they reach the toilet paper with the opposite hand? And, why would anyone, man or woman who is designing a bathroom not see the inconvenience of said placement? How hard is it to put the dispenser at head level when sitting? And, put the damn thing next to the toilet, not a fully extended arms reach away.

I swear they should make the contractor, or whom ever made this important placement decision, use these bathrooms exclusively for two weeks, preferably during a bout of nasty gastrointestinal distress while trying to run from one end of campus to the other in under 10 minutes while fighting hordes of crowds to squeeze through narrow doorways and carrying a lap top, text books, notebooks and pens, and a bottle of water. Maybe even a jacket. See how brilliant they feel their choice is then and see how quick they realign things….

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