Yes, I have lost my mind.

by Janie Jones

I am going to bed uncharacteristically early because….

Tomorrow is my first day of college! Should I be proud? Excited? Should I have Leif take my photo as I am pulling out of the driveway to forever immortalize the day Janie started her path to a higher education?

Give. Me. A. F&%king. Break.

If I get one more bullshit letter, email, or phone call about making my “freshman” experience one to remember I am going to go postal on someone. I am 37. Not 17. Not to mention I am not only not a freshman in terms of age, but also I already have been to college once before, if only to get an Associates Degree. Good grief.

I have to be on campus to buy my parking permit tomorrow. I don’t even have a class tomorrow, but, in order to make sure they don’t run out I need to be there no later than 8am. Campus, BTW, is about 75 miles from my home. It has been snowing for the last 24 hours, and even in the Great White North it takes a bit to get the white fluffy shit off our roads. So, I’ll be getting up about 5am to shovel out Leif’s Jeep so I can have 4wd and hopefully still make it to campus in one piece and in time to get a Willy Wonka Golden Ticket, I mean parking permit, before all the young whipper snappers beat me to them. And, heaven forbid you sell these magic permits online. Oh, no. Make people drive in from far and wide at $3.09 per gallon. Do you realize it is going to cost me half the price of the parking permit just to get there to buy it? Adding up to zero my ass. Fiscally irresponsible liberal wackos. It makes my skin crawl just imagining what insults what little sanity I ever was able to lay claim to will have to endure in the next 2 years.

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3 Comments to “Yes, I have lost my mind.”

  1. Just beware of the Freshman 15, which for the longest time I thought was an activist group.

  2. Hell, I got the Freshman 20. Fuck, I still have it!

  3. I would be a-feared, however, I think I will do okay as I have a 10 minute walk from the parking lot to my locker. Every class I have is on a different floor. Oh, and I’ll probably sweat off at least the freshman 15 as the bloody university has the thermostat set on swelter.

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