I’ve been relishing this moment…

by Janie Jones

***Updated***Sorry for the delay in this post. I was having difficulties with the photos and the captions and making slideshows today. But even though it’s not exactly as I intended it to publish, I think the major bugs are worked out. I was so bummed I didn’t get it up first thing this morning, but I am totally excited to now present my relish post!

Wow that sounds really dirty.

Today, in honor of my quickly approaching birthday, I am honoring the people who add relish to my life.

I love that word. Relish. It even sounds appetizing to me.

My beloved dictionary has a surprisingly long entry denoting the various nuances in meaning of the word relish. I think my favorite is ‘anything that give pleasure, zest, or enjoyment: and attractive quality.’ I also am pretty partial to the edible meanings of ‘any of a variety of foods, as pickles, olives, piccalilli, raw vegetables , etc., served with a meal or to add flavor or as an appetizer.’

So the first person I relish, Carol, I give you an agate. I am so glad I met you last year, and have really enjoyed having you as my friend. Thanks for all your support during the crazy days and the calm ones. You are my favorite rock collecting girlfriend.

I also want to give a little token to my blog friends, who most definitely add relish to my life. I wake up in the morning each day and anxiously check your blogs to see what quirky new thoughts you have. Serious, sad or snarky, your blogs brighten my days. Thanks.

Laughykate. You were the first blog I ever read and the first I ever commented on. For you, who I understand is now enjoying the height of summer I wish a white Christmas….and a warm fuzzy scarf and hat I crocheted my self so you won’t freeze trying to enjoy it.

Leeann. I sense you are a person of remarkable intelligence and humor trapped in the mind numbing insanity of a zombie-ate-my-brain world. I am sorry. I feel your pain. It is truly amazing how little brain activity can be present and a person still be considered self aware. I saw this picture on a tee shirt and thought of you:

I wanted to get you something more, well, sentimental and heart warming. I thought perhaps you’d be deeply touched by a family photo of your ‘natural’ parents. Needless to say, it was difficult tracking back such an animal. Unfortunately, I discovered that no photo existed of your mum and dad together, and being woefully unskilled with photo shop, the best I could do were these photos capturing the moment your mum announced your conception to your dad:

Hello, Khanny darling? I'm carrying your love child! Isn't that just dreamy!

“If it is a girl child let us name her Leeann after my own sweet mummy the horde mistress. Gidget, my dearest! What fabulous news! I love you my little diddy dumpkiss.”

Well, perhaps it wasn’t just like that, but Disney appears to have bought the rights to the story, so all the foul language and true to life grittiness has been edited to make this true story rated PG.

And, for both Kate and Leeann, who I’m sure will appreciate this, I have the Winter Walmartians Montage:Let’s see a close up of that amazing balancing act of dead animal on the head… I kinda feel like I might go to Hell for making fun of the Salvation Army bell ringer, but it was such a good specimen, and well, frankly Leif and I couldn’t agree on whether it was male or female. He says female, I thought male.

Well, okay, so I’m not that good at capturing the essence of the Great White Winter Walmartian, being as even the highly rotund ones seem remarkably nimble, dodging cars and slipping on ice all in a rush to get into the store and snatch up those holiday bargains they just. can’t. live. without. As it was, there were several prime Winter Walmartian specimens that got away, like the female specimen in the blonde fur Beefeater hat. And the toothpick legged puff coated, moonbooted meth-head, probably female. But, you get the picture, I hope.

Finally, for Laura. While I’m pretty sure you are also enjoying the Walmartians Montage, of course, when I saw this tee shirt I thought of you:

But knowing how much you’ve been concerned about the mystery goat, I thought this touching story might make you feel a little better about it disappearing into the night:

Dino Junior’s Birthday Debacle
Surprise! It’s your birthday party son, and all your buggy-eyed, bobble headed friends are here. Have some cake and punch!Here darling, open your present from Mummy and Daddy.
Hey, this punch is good, even better with vodka.Wahhhh! I wanted a goat for my birthday!
Rex, what the Hell is that thing?

Um, it’s a baby dragon.
I don’t wanna dragon, I wanna goat!
Rex, you were supposed to pick the goat up from J’s house.
I did, but there was this crazy lady, and she wanted the goat too, and so I just dodged into the pub to wait until she gave up looking. And, I was a little short of cash, and one thing led to another and so I traded the goat for this baby dragon. It’s magical.

Magical my ass! Can’t you do anything right!?! Look at you! You’re drunk and you’re making a scene. You gambled away your son’s birthday goat and now you’ve ruined his party. You should be ashamed. That’s it Rex! We’re through. Come on kids, the party is over. Oh, what a cold, cruel world. Life as I know it has gone extinct.

Just another cliche’ ending, but an important moral non the less: Goats and booze don’t mix. Or maybe it was don’t wear your party hat as a sports cup. Or maybe don’t drink goats milk from a sports cup. Oh, hell I don’t know what the moral is. But I’m hoping my birthday party turns out much better than Jr’s.

Well, I hope you relish your Janie’s birthday presents. Thanks to you all for being you! I’m off to celebrate, with relish even!

And, the moment you’ve been anticipating with relish: Bonus baby winter goat pix


6 Comments to “I’ve been relishing this moment…”

  1. Outstanding !! And I love the scarf ! Currently sitting in my apartment, ’tis nearly nine o’clock, a balmy evening and I can hear Christmas Carols in the park. Bet that’s a foreign concept to you ! (Ie being outside at night at this time of year!)

    • We have been known to go out late at night, actually it is quite beautiful. And, if one get’s away from the city you can sometimes see the Aurora Borealis. Although, I must admit, but don’t tell, at times a little less snow and cold wouldn’t be amiss….

  2. Very very cool indeedy. I need to make a t-shirt of that and wear it everyday at work. But you knew this.
    I also want a baby goat but Monkey would eat it.

    • Thought you’d like the tee. And, btw, Monkey was the individual in disguise who tricked Rex into gambling away the goat. You should be more careful to feed him on schedule…

  3. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Love the t-shirt and I loved the dino/goat story. Ha! The pic of of T-Rex with the carrier in the snow looking upward remorsefuly was EPIC! Thank you.

    • Yeah, that Rex, he’s a pretty good actor. It’s a shame he’s got issues. I hear he had to pass up a multi-million dollar role to meet his parole requirement for a stint at Betty Ford.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: