Well, will wonders never cease

So, I got an email from one of my congress persons today. Or rather, I should say I got a [form] letter from my congress person’s blue dressed intern or assistant. It read like this:

January 20, 2012

Dear *Ms. Jones:

Thank you for contacting me about the Protect IP Act. I appreciate hearing from you and especially appreciate hearing the concerns you have raised.

On January 20th, 2012, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced an indefinite postponement of the scheduled Senate vote on the Protect IP Act. As Congress continues to consider this issue, please know that I will work to make sure your concerns are addressed.

The internet has dramatically altered the manner in which we communicate, conduct business, seek entertainment and find information. It is vital to ensure that online innovation and openness are preserved so the American people can continue to freely to express themselves and pursue personal and economic endeavors over the internet.

It is also important that foreign criminals not be allowed to steal the property of others without consequence. The pirating of intellectual property is not a victimless crime. Rather, it threatens the jobs and livelihoods of millions of middle class American workers and businesses. However, we must seek ways to protect people from online piracy, particularly foreign piracy, without limiting web-based innovation or a free exchange of ideas.

Again, thank you for taking the time to contact me. One of the most important parts of my job is listening to what the people of [my state] have to say to me. I am here in our nation’s capital to do the public’s business and to serve the people of our state. I hope you will contact me again about matters of concern to you.

Sincerely,

[Senator's Name]
United States Senator

*Names and places have been changed to maintain my blogging identity mystique. Great word, that: mystique. Although, I wasn’t much impressed with Mystique as an X-men character. But, I digress.

So, I really just wanted to shake my virtual finger at all you foreign criminals out there and say, “Stop stealing from our Great American Internet.” You know, it is rumored that Al Gore invented the internet, snipe hunting and pants. It’s obvious to see that pants wearing snipe hunters have the legitimate rights to internet ownership and it’s all you foreigner’s faults that our pants wearing snipe hunters may have to take their internet and go home. Think of all the poor middle class Americans you are victimizing!!!!

*Gasp* Sob! *Cluck*

Foreign Intellectual Property Pirates. There has to be a really funny joke in that, but it’s probably already someone else’s intellectual property so I couldn’t share it here anyway.

One silver lining though, if you can believe a word of what any politician says, the PIPA act vote has been indefinitely postponed. I bet someone on Capitol Hill realized that if this act was passed they wouldn’t be able to get at their porn. Porn saves the day!!!!

SOPA/PIPA Compliance

I am going to beat this dead horse until it’s cat food quality pate.

I imagine it’s a dead horse, because the day I posted “SOPA sucks”  My stats took a huge dive.  Only three of you were brave enough to check me out.  I don’t blame you, my temper tantrums are ugly and saying I disagree with THE MAN probably gets me the wrong kind of attention from You-Know-Who.  But despite the chripy quality of Wednesday’s blog I’m tenaciously going to post about SOPA and PIPA again.

I needed to clean out my media files anyway, so in a moment of pique, I started tossing any photo I didn’t take myself, recklessly regardless of broken links in past posts and accidentally getting carried away and deleting a few things I didn’t have to.  Then, however, I got to my CowaBunger award and I went weak.  I can’t delete my beautiful corn cow.  But, I decided I could only partially plagiarize by reproducing the award using my impressive Photoshop* skills.  Hey, I paid in excess of $1500 to be taught how to use it, I might as well get some return on my investment.

So:  voila!

Without further ado I present the all new and improved Janie Jones and her partially SOPA compliant blog.

Or for those of you who already noticed my new header, the More Boring than Ever Janie’s Place in the Great White North where I will spend the next month being a general poopy butt about this whole SOPA thing.

*This should not be perceived as any kind of endorsement for Photoshop.  And, in case you were born in a vacuum, I was speaking tongue in cheek about my skills….

SOPA sucks

I’d like to say I have a lot to say on this subject.  But I’m not very eloquent in that way.  Politics get me so riled up that any calm and rational expression of thought is impossible.  Perhaps you may not realize this but underneath Janie’s lame joke telling demeanor is a seething roiling mass of stressed out depressed rage.  Blogging is my therapy.  Right now I’m going to indulge in a little therapy.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!

Excuse me.  You may not want to keep reading if you wish to avoid Janie’s temper tantrum.  I haven’t had a good one on this blog in a while, so it may be shocking to some readers.

That said, if SOPA is as bad as it sounds, I’d likely be in deep shit.  My avatar after all is probably someone’s copyrighted photo.  I have long meant to replace it with a mock up photo of me as Rosie, but that requires me to have someone available to take my photo when I’m available to get all dressed up.  And, on the occasions when the stars align and that is actually possible I tend to forget being as formerly it was not much of a matter of life and death.

Perhaps I deserve to hang for “borrowing” some photos over the years.  If I can tell where they’re from, I try to give credit, but I never knowingly borrowed anyone’s words without giving credit.  Can jokes you heard in 5th grade from some kid whose name you forgot be considered copyrighted material?  And, I just don’t get how it’s wrong if you refer someone to YouTube, or another site.  But, who am I?  Just someone who could be considered photo plagiarist myself.

And, while I’m on my soap box, I’d just like to say for the record, I’m damn sick and tired of hearing nothing but crap from our government.  Solyndra Scandal, Gunwalker Scandal, and then you can’t trust the police anymore.  How many stories have we heard lately about police brutality?  I didn’t vote for this.  I didn’t, and don’t support our Golfer in Chief.  Obama must go in 2012, but who do we have worthy to replace him?  Decent men, or women, are hard to come by.  Of what I’ve heard so far Herman Kane was probably the best candidate.  I suspect this is true because look how hard the media tried to discredit him.  He was a threat to the Liberal Agenda.  He had to go at all costs.  Well, we’ll never know now.  Instead we have to live in fear of losing other potentially good candidates to fixed polls and media slander.

Did I mention how much I hate sauerkraut!?!  (1)  Whoops, I mean politics.  I HATE POLITICS.  Yes, I used all caps.  Unapologetically.  I’m yelling now, just you can’t hear it because this is a blog.

Eh.  I’m to busy to worry about it.  Perhaps I’m to busy even to have a blog.  Perhaps that’s exactly what the gov’ment wants, people to be to busy their oblivious or so afraid they’ll give up speaking.

I’m going to go do some yoga now before I explode.  Then I suppose I’ll try hard to bury this in my “save for later when you aren’t already stressed out beyond belief” files so I can continue on with my life.  Probably not the best attitude, but I have all I can handle on my plate right now.

(1)  Reference to the Weird Al Yankovic song, Albuquerque.  There, I didn’t plagiarise I gave credit where due.

Walnut Street ate my acorns

I meant to post this yesterday, but I was enjoying being a lazy slug.

Which means I slept until 11am, got up, made apple cranberry pie ala mode for breakfast and played Free Cell until a friend turned up unexpected on my door step.  After a pleasant visit I went back to my very important work: increasing my win percentage on Free Cell.  I’m not as good as some, but I’ve boosted my percentage to 83% wins.

Anyway, here’s my intended post content from yesterday:

Everyone should be thankful for acorns

Janie:  Before we eat our Thanksgiving dinner, lets all say two things we are thankful for, and only one of them can be food.

Spud:  I’m thankful for turkey and gravy and mashed potatoes.

Janie:  Okay, and what are you thankful for that’s not food.

Spud:  Acorns.

Acorns?  I have no idea where that came from.  Now if that’s what we called money, I’d be very thankful, as we all know acorns grow on trees.  I can see how it would be:

Wife:  The rent’s due, dear.  Please go out and pick some acorns.

Husband:  Sorry, love, no can do.  I picked the last of the acorns for this season last week to pay for Junior’s orthodontics.

Wife:  How can we be out of acorns already?

Husband:  Well, remember the First Squirrel Savings account we put our acorns in to get through the winter?  Well, apparently they had a lean year and the president ate all the acorns.

Wife:  What!  How could they do that?

Husband:  Well, apparently they’d already borrowed against Suet Security and now needed more.

Wife:  Isn’t anyone going to make him pay for that?

Husband:  Well, I imagine the govern-nut will bail him out so he won’t lose his bank or his tree-mansion house.  He’ll be able to make it through the winter fat and sassy as ever.

Wife:  Oh, that’s just great.  What are we going to do?

Husband:  Well, we could join the Occupy Walnut Street protests, after all there’s no reason we should have to actually work hard for our acorns and we all know that the 1% of squirrelly Walnut Street bastards are making it harder and harder for us small folks to sit back and simply watch acorns grow on trees while they horde 99% of the world’s nuts.

Okay on second thought, perhaps it wouldn’t be better if money was acorns and grew on trees.  Same old story different nuts.

Ridiculousness as a deadly weapon

I have figured it out.

Those so affectionately, though oxymoronically, referred to as liberals are bombarding us with the ludicrous as a weapon figuring we can’t interfere with their socialist hostile take over plans if we are incapacitated with laughter at the sheer stupidity of their seemingly sincere agendas to make America safer.

Leif has just told me that in New Jersey they are trying to ban kick offs. As in the starting play of a football game.

I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe, tears streaming down my face and nearly fell out of my chair.

Seriously. They are trying to ban FOOTBALL KICK OFFS because they are too dangerous with all those big guys running at each other.

I don’t know what is funnier. The concept of banning football kick offs or that there is actually a group of people retarded enough to make a serious attempt of it.

Then there is also the lunacy in San Francisco. Apparently you can get clean hypodermic needles so if you need to “shoot up” you won’t be tempted to reuse potentially AIDS infected needles, however, you can’t buy a Happy Meal with a toy because that is sending the wrong kind of message to the populace.

I honestly don’t know how to respond other than in total shock that there is apparently a group of dumb asses out there proposing this shit, not to mention that their proposals aren’t being met with the incredulous gut busting belly laughing that I respond with.

Thanks for the laughs. But seriously, if liberal idiots find America not sensitive or safe enough and simply can’t abide to see people enjoy a football game (which has no shortage of jocks vying for the privilege of having the shit knocked out of them in exchange for a salary followed by six zeros) or a kid’s joy at finding a crappy plastic toy underneath their cheeseburger (which by the way, only has 300 calories, probably less calories than the average peanut butter and jelly sandwich- so watch out soon they’ll be boycotting peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) apples and milk then go move to some other country and impose your natzee safety agendas elsewhere.

Now excuse me, I’m going to take my kid for a Happy Meal and I’ll send the duplicate toys to some unfortunate child in San Francisco.

Now we’re getting somewhere-sort of

Cool beans! Got my college acceptance letter.

Unfortunately, they are making me take two years of foreign language and intermediate algebra. *Errrrrr* I think I have a lot to say, but I’m just going to hold my tongue.

So now I just have to set up a meeting with an adviser, register for classes, and file for financial aid.

Baby steps of progress are being made.

However, I do think I should be able to complain to some person of influence at the county/state. My social services councilor sends me this poorly worded form letter saying I make too much money on unemployment to qualify for medical assistance. That alone is a rant I could wax on for some time, but I’ll restrain myself, as my fingers don’t want to do that much typing. However, in the bottom of this retarded form letter, there is a statement which defies grammar and sense.

Comments:
(Name spelled wrong)
You are over for our health care by $169 – you need – a bill to open your case thru us for over $169 – you can reapply at that time – but you need a bill first and then you will need to reapply——-
You are ineligible for (state abbreviation) care – as you have to have no other insurance for 4 months – so in February – you can request an application and send it to (state abbreviation) care – but they will need verification that your other health insurance ended on 10/31/10
You are denied – once you get a medical bill over the / $169 – you can reapply at that time.
(worker name)/intake

Now I ask you, does this sound like a clear letter written by someone who’s job description requires a 4 year college degree? What the f&@k is with all the dashes and slashes? And is it mentally impossible for this person to complete a grammatically correct sentence?!? Perhaps it is like a telegram.

You are a *stop*
blooming retard *stop*
How did you*stop*
Get your degree *stop*
And how dare you *stop*
try to make me feel *stop*
like I am a burden *stop*
on our government *stop*

Huh.

So apparently the county/state would rather wait until I’m deathly ill then have me apply for insurance. At that point I would be put on a state medical assistance program that would get stuck paying 100% of everything over $169. However, if they let me start on an actual state insurance plan, I could pay a monthly premium plus a copay for services.

How exactly is that a fiscally responsible government plan?

And the Democrats are trying to ram government health care down our throats? The existing programs don’t even work. What makes anyone think a federal program would be better?!?

Oh well. I guess I’m waiting 4 months. Good thing I’m not going blind quickly. Or requiring regular monthly medications.